Really, neither am I.

“And what do you do?”
“I’m writing a novel.”
“Really, neither am I.”

I can’t remember whose joke that was, probably Groucho or Wilde (EDIT, it was Peter Cook) but I do remember the sort of laugh I emitted when I heard it. It was a “hurr-huh-heh” sort of number. Contextually, I can see that it’s a joke, I can appreciate the wit, but I also don’t think it’s funny. Mostly because I’ve been the aspiring novelist in that situation too many times and the all-too-accurate rejoinder hurts.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve written a lot in my life, mostly pay–the–bills journalism but I’ve also had two non-fiction books published. Neither of them are particularly good; although in my defence I will flag up that both were written in less than eight weeks, which isn’t a very mentally healthy thing to do. Heck it all, I’ve even got an author headshot (rejected options below) so I’m clearly legit.

• 

• 

• 

So why am I sharing all of this with you – my as-yet-non-existent-reader? Well because I’m writing a novel and I’d like to document the process on this very blog and use that as a way to keep myself on target.

It should be fun! It might be fun! I already regret doing this!

Look, think of it this way – if the book is any good (and with your help it could be) then by following these posts and generally pitching in then you’ll be in on the ground floor of this literary endeavour, how exciting! You might even make it to the heady heights of the Dedications page (you almost certainly won’t).

Or, the whole project could turn into a burning Nissan Qashqai on the motorway hard shoulder watched at a distance by an ashen-faced knot of people. You could be those people!  

So, hop on board! Add your email/allow notifications and you’ll be informed of every post on this here blog as I write the book. To insanity!